to know one is dreaming is to be no longer perfectly asleep

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

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It is probably impossible to love any human being simply ‘too much’. We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man that constitutes the inordinacy.

But the question whether we are loving God or the earthly Beloved ‘more’ is not a question about our the comparative intensity of two feelings. The real question is, which (when the alternative comes) do you serve, or choose, or put first? To which claim does your will, in the last resort, yield?

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We cannot see light, though by light we can see things. Statements about God are extrapolations from the knowledge of other things which the divine illumination enables us to know.

God is love. In God there is no hunger that needs to be filled, only plenteousness that desires to give. The doctrine that God was under no necessity to create is not a piece of dry scholastic speculation. It is essential. Without it we can hardly avoid the conception of what we can only call a ‘managerial’ God; a Being whose function or nature is to ‘run’ the universe, who stands to it as a headmaster to a school or a hotelier to a hotel.

But to be sovereign of the universe is no great matter to God. In Himself, at home in ‘the land of the Trinity’, he is Sovereign of a far greater realm. We must keep always before our eyes that vision of Lady Julian’s in which God carried in His hand a little object like a nut, and that nut was ‘all that is made’.

God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them. He creates the universe, all ready foreseeing – or should we say ‘seeing’? there are no tenses in God – the buzzing cloud of flies about the cross, the flayed back pressed against the uneven stake, the nails driven through the mesial nerves, the repeated incipient suffocation as the body droops, the repeated torture of back and arms as it is time after time, for breath’s sake, hitched up.

God is a ‘host’ who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and ‘take advantage of’ Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all love.

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We find thus by experience that there is no good applying to Heaven for earthly comfort. Heaven can give heavenly comfort; no other kind. And earth cannot give earthly comfort either. There is no earthly in the long run.

For the dream of finding our end, the thing we were made for, in a Heaven of purely human love could not be true unless our whole Faith were wrong. We were made for God. Only by being in some respect like Him, only by being a manifestation of His beauty, loving-kindness, wisdom or goodness, has any earthly Beloved excited our love. It is not that we have loved them too much, but that we did not quite understand what we were loving.

It is not that we shall be asked to turn from them, so dearly familiar, to a Stranger. When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it. He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love. All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.

In Heaven, there will be no anguish and no duty of turning away from our earthly Beloved. First, because we shall have turned already; from the portraits to the Original, from the rivulets to the Fountain, from the creatures He made lovable to Love Himself. But secondly, because we shall find them all in Him. By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we now do.

But that is all far away in ‘the land of the Trinity’, not here in exile, in the weeping valley. Down here it is all loss and renunciation. The very purpose of the bereavement (so far as it affects ourselves) may have been to force this upon us. We are then compelled to try to believe, what we cannot yet feel, that God is our true Beloved.

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Perhaps, for many of us, all experience merely defines, so to speak, the shape of that gap where our love of God ought to be. It is not enough. It is something. If we cannot ‘practise the presence of God’, it is something to practise the absence of God, to become increasingly aware of our unawareness till we feel like men who should stand beside a great cataract and hear no noise, or like a man in a story who looks in a mirror and finds no face there, or a man in a dream who stretches out his hand to visible objects and gets no sensation of touch.

To know one is dreaming is to be no longer perfectly asleep.

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All excerpts from the last few pages of The Four Loves by CS Lewis

god’s love notes

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetI haven’t blogged in a year but this post really inspired me. At first, I was going to add it on to my special commitments for Lent, but then I realised – why not just make it a permanent feature of not just my wall, but my life.

The idea is beautiful: If someone were to leave you a trail of sticky notes to find throughout the day, wouldn’t you be delighted and grateful for each one you found? I would probably be posting each one on instagram or facebook to share the joy that it brought me. And the truth is, it’s the same with God. He leaves us little notes throughout each day to tell us He loves us and to remind us that He’s thinking of us – through our conversations, a sudden breath of wind, or a passing moment of peace. But most of the time, we don’t notice or give much thought to the love notes He leaves for us to find – let alone celebrate them as they deserve to be celebrated!

I hope that by the end of this semester, this wall will be filled and that this Lent (and beyond), my eyes will be opened to the love that God wants to shower me with each day. :-)

And if you’d like to join me – send me pictures of your own love note walls or journals or whatever mode of documentation you decide on!!

love,
denise

What we did for mothers’ day

2013-05-20 19.06.26Okay, I realise this is kind of late but I’m just going to share what my little brother (who is 2.5 years old) and me did for our mom a week ago! We made her a book, “Dear Mummy,” and filled it with a lot of love, laughter and glamorous pictures. He helped to write (with me holding his hand) and paint and stick dots, and we had tons of fun together.

2013-05-11 08.47.39One of the things we did was to list down all the reasons why we love her, one on each handprint cut out (traced from my little brother’s hand) and then we placed them under 2 plastic sheets so she could take them out to look at and put them back in to keep. When we were thinking of the reasons to write down, he would actually give me several one word answers – milk, sleep, play, etc. It was really, really adorable cause he’s only just learning to talk and I was amazed that he could actually come up with so many reasons on his own and verbalize them.

2013-05-20 19.07.372013-05-11 08.47.092013-05-11 08.51.13

I love these two pages, because they were so similar yet so different. We chose pictures together of ourselves with our mom since the time we were kids (a much longer time for me), and put them altogether to create collages!

2013-05-11 08.51.59This was the last page, and we both wrote her a letter and slipped it in the pocket. I’m just going to show you my brother’s, cause it was soo cute and he actually painted it himself (for the first time!).

2013-05-11 08.52.54So yeah, that’s our present. We love you momma! Thanks for all the happy and cray cray moments together, they’re memories that will last a lifetime, and we hope that many years from now you will come across this book again when you’re cleaning through your stuff and feel all nostalgic and stuff, and um, yknow, cry or something AHAHAHA. Just kidding. Love you mom.