A few years ago, I had to make a difficult decision: To serve in church or in yfc.
I chose to serve in church. I drifted further and further away from yfc, and the further away I was, the harder it was to come back. I didn’t believe that I had the time or ability to serve in two different ministries (both catechism and yfc).
But my two closest friends in YFC never gave up on me. Year after year, they would still invite me for activities and events and even though I said “no” a lot of the time, they still never stopped asking. So this year, I was blessed to have one of them as my household head, and when she asked me to come for household at the start of the year, I decided that maybe, just maybe I should give it a try.
It is amazing how easy it was to fit in, even after all those years of fear and worry and feeling so out of place. The more I opened up, the more God could work in me. She asked me to go for ILC, and at first I was really unsure, but I didn’t know how to tell her that, and so I told her I would have to ask my mom, thinking that my mom would say no, and I could use that as a “valid excuse”.
But God had other plans. My mom texted me back just one word. Yes. And so I went. I went knowing only a handful of people, and I came back knowing everybody else, feeling so blessed and so accepted. I went filled all the wrong things, the wrong priorities, wrong thoughts and wrong ideas. But God emptied me. He emptied me of all that was wrong and poured His love and goodness and grace and mercy into me instead.
The worship was amazing. It was beautiful, and pure and full of desire for God. Singing our hearts out, worshipping Him in different languages, having hot wax drip down our arms from a candle burning with Christ’s light, praising God in the sweltering heat with perspiration literally pouring down our bodies until we didn’t even feel the heat anymore. Shouting out our love for our Lord with thousands of other youths… There are no words that can ever sufficiently describe this overwhelming experience of God in my life.
The second night, was for me, the most overwhelming experience of all. I learnt and realised so many things. It is only God who can fill us and make us feel complete. We seek to fill ourselves from all the wrong sources, and we blame God when he takes away the things in our lives that are so important to us. But we cannot feel complete until we are filled with God’s love. And for God to fill us, He has to first make us empty.
A priest prayed over us, and he prayed in Tagalog (which I can’t understand at all). But my heart understood every single word, and I cried. I cried so much. I surrendered my heart to the Lord and let Him take away all the pain, and fear and insecurities. And His message and mission for me came so clearly to me:
I will go back to serve in YFC along with church. I will put all my trust in the Lord because I know that if it is His plan for me, I can to do it for Him.
Before this ILC, I had given up on someone very close me. I felt like our relationship was pointless and that no matter how hard I tried to reach out to her it would only get worse. But I won’t give up on her. I will show her more love, more patience, and more trust.
I can. And I will. I will do it for Him.
I don’t need any more wine now, because Jesus has filled my cup to the brim. What I need now, is a JAR.
Thank you Lord. Thank you, so so much. May all the glory be to You alone. :’)